all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize