Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
You smell like a Billy Joel song
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
