Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
