update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
