I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
