She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
We had sex on a dog bed..
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
