She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Randomize
