yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize