i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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