What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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