I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
