sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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