Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
