is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
