my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
dude i'm inner monologue high
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
