Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
