my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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