you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize