After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
