If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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