I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
