OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Holy shit dude........stairs
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