Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize