I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
