i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
