dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
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