i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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