Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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