we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
