You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
