And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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