Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
being pregnant is like rehab
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize