your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
