i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
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