I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
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