u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
