You're completely useless in the revolution.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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