He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
