the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
