This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
