My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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