My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
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