thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
