Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
