I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
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