Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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