i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
