I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
