I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Randomize
