I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
