well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
