Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
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