went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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