The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
