you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize