I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
