We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
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