Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
