I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
