Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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