I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Randomize