If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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