Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize