omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
