A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
